The goodbyes trickled slowly over the last week and came to an explosive and abrupt halt as I said all final goodbyes at the ending banquet last night. Priding myself for so long on my inability to cry, I was humbled as I wept through every hug, ev ery affirmation, and every parting word. All I wanted upon my initial arrival was to leave. I could never know how fast and deep I could love three girls in particular (Amy, Sara, Vivian).
We spent several hours on Friday morning to process what we have learned from this summer, a daunting and exciting task of trying to organize every lesson born of brokenness and profound understanding of God’s incredible love for us. There was so much to search through. For me, these were lessons in vulnerability, in being a servant, in loving people, trusting God, suffering, conflict, boldness, evangelism, the lost, affirming others, pursuing God and pursuing others, in being steadfast, in breaking down the lies I’ve believed and allowing God’s truths to replace them. My team came together for lunch on Friday to talk about the hard-hitting lessons of the summer. When we came together we saw something amazing: after we discussed what we were learning, Vivian read us what she prayed for all of us before we ever met. God has been faithful to answer every single prayer. We wept in a confused array of emotion; we were overjoyed and moved, touched and entirely in awe at our God.
On Sunday evening we had a program banquet, a time to eat together, to share what God had done over the course of the summer, and to say goodbye. Writing has always been my comfortable outlet for expressing myself, so I prepared something to read. It was a sweet list of thank you’s to everyone in the program—brief, specific, and affirming. As I sat and listened to several people go to the microphone to share, I felt more and more convicted about what I wrote. I felt like I was absolutely not supposed to read it for some reason. God then moved me to share the overwhelming lesson of the summer He had taught me, rather than my own list of thank you’s. I got up to the mic, nervous and unprepared as I shared about my family’s situation of finally losing everything financially this summer. I explained how angry and abandoned I felt, but then how God showed me through Job just who He was. He showed me that whether or not He restored our finances, my dad’s health, or my comfort, He is good and He is enough. “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ…” Philippians 3:8 “…for the Lord has comforted his people and will have compassion on his afflicted. But Zion said, ‘The Lord has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me.’ Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.” Isaiah 49:13b-15. After sharing, a friend from Clemson came up to me and described that his family had experienced the exact same situation (this summer was the summer their finances came to a halt as well). We had a time of encouraging one another and being uplifted by the support of another believer in the same situation. It was such a sweet time, that banquet.
It’s hard to believe that it’s over. I remember driving through tacky Pigeon Forge for the first time with a deep feeling in the pit of my stomach of dread, terrified to meet my team, terrified of what they would think of me. I couldn’t know the deep love we would develop for each other so quickly, a love of sweat and blood, the kind of love that perseveres when loving isn’t fun anymore, the good stuff. I drove away from the giant tin cross one last time. My soul was filled both with longing to be with my team and dreams for my campus this year. It hurt to leave, but I look ahead knowing that God has plans for tomorrow.
There are so many details I regret not including in my writings, but allow me to tell you a few things I’m learning:
Boldness
“Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began…” 2 Timothy 1:8-9
“But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me.” 2 Timothy 1:12b
A Heart for Discipleship
“…and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.” 2 Timothy 2:2-4
Enduring Suffering
“But the word of God is not bound! Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory.” 2 Timothy 2:9b-10
“Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it…” 2 Timothy 3:12-14
Salt Water
I was praying about sin that I struggle with when I had a thought: sin is like salt water. I have a genuine thirst and I try to appease it with this glass of salt water, though every sip makes the thirst more intense. Without quenching my thirst the salt water makes me want to drink deeper and deeper of the glass. I thirst in ways only God can provide for and I try to satisfy myself with salt water— which can actually kill you, have you enough. In John 7:37b Jesus says, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink.” When I sin I am trying to quench different thirsts in my life with the water that kills, when available to me is living water. Wow.
That’s me.
I’ve wanted to see the sunrise all summer long, so finally last Friday morning I decided to go. Hiking seems ideal for such a thing, but to conserve on sleep lost, I chose to go to the beloved landmark of the cross. The cross is not just any standard cross-like structure, but a hundred-foot tall construction marking the highest point of our lodging. It is made of white tin and upon its initial sighting, one (like myself) might be provoked to laughter. I must say, though, after being here for over 6 weeks, it has truly grown on me. Whenever I’m stuck in traffic or turned around, I can look up and see the cross and know where home is and just how far I am from it. That’s a beautiful picture, eh?
I hiked up (hardly a hike, more like a brief climb) to the base of the cross one night with Carolina and Vivian—you can see every streetlight and ever obnoxious ride; it all somehow comes together in a glittery haze, forming some secular milky way. Anyway, that’s the spot I chose for the sunrise. Two girlfriends and I walked up to it around 5:45am, cliff bars and bananas in hand. We sat and talked as we watched the sun wake up and the city turn on.
I jokingly started personifying every aspect of nature. Mother nature (if at all I believed in her) would be a Dutch woman: au natural, hard working but laidback, adventurous, and particular. The sun would be an Australian man, I said, although now I’m also considering a South African. The moon would be a young Italian woman: dark-haired, dark-skinned, with piercing light green eyes that beam. She would be modest and quiet, yet utterly stunning. The mountains would be gangs of old Scottish men. Yellow jackets would be teenage boys, and wasps teenage girls. One of my girlfriends asked me what aspect of nature I would be, turning the question around. I didn’t have a good answer at the time, but I think I might now.
For a long time I think I’ve wanted to be the sun. I would be bright with a beauty unmatchable. My vibrancy would draw others around me and I would be the center. Ha! What a lonely life it would be to be the only one in the center. I’m learning contentment in being exactly who God made me to be, which I think would better be described as a raging river. Beautiful for those who stumble across it, perhaps, life giving in a sense, tranquil yet rapid, dangerous, slightly mysterious, constantly moving but only on a particular course (unlike a bird that soars wherever it pleases). Yes, I think that’s me.
Yesterday was the hardest day of STP so far. The lifeguards had in-service, which means we get to work at 8:30 and brush up on CPR/spinal injuries/other skills. It also means we work an 11-hour day. Even though I slept 7ish hours the night before, I felt physically exhausted. At 8:30 I was entirely capable of falling asleep, so one can imagine what I was capable of by 4, as by that time it’s been hot all day, I’m sun kissed, and I’m sitting on a stand with glasses to hide the alertness (or lack thereof) of my eyes. I also felt—for no real reason—like sobbing. I blame it on fatigue. Well, I get to the bottom of Wild (a water slide) and alongside me is another lifeguard who is a part of one of the other college ministries working at Splash Country. In the same breath he says hello, he initiates a theological debate on whether or not conflict is inherently good. I argued that it is the result of sin and therefore not inherently good, but that God, in all His goodness and sovereignty, uses conflict for good. This guy (let’s call him D) argued that because God uses conflict to reveal sin, conflict is inherently good. It is a very interesting question, really. Genesis 50:20 says, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” I still don’t know if that makes said thing inherently good or bad, though. Furthermore, we were evil, but God gives us value and cleanses us, using us for good. Our inherent value, though, comes from the price that Jesus paid for us, not from our fruit. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter.
2 Timothy 2:23-24 says, “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.” Essentially, don’t quarrel over stupid arguments as they lead to division and we are called to peace. Despite knowledge of this verse, I found myself growing irritated with D quickly. I love philosophy/theology (I’m a philosophy minor), but I felt like the conversation was forced on me, that D was trying to teach me something. I felt like he hadn’t established a concern for my good will and that he just had an agenda that he wanted to prove a point and just get Christian-brownie points, if you will, for making me think the way he does. Although I never lashed out at him, I left that rotation fuming. I sat at the lazy river stand (a lifeguard stand in a different area of the park) ticked off, at the admin walk (the next spot on my rotation) I paced along just dreading the next time I had to see D (approximately an hour and a half from that point). By the time I got to my lunch break, I felt physically ill from lack of sleep and an overabundance of negative emotions. I tried even to get someone to replace me so I could go home, but for once we had no extra people.
At the top of Wild I thought I was going to pass out and actually considered faking it so I could go home. I got to the bottom of the slide and decided to express gently to D how he made me feel. I was surprised at how well he listened. He asked me questions: did it make you feel like so? He displayed a general concern for my feelings, which surprised me. He then proceeded to tell me that sometimes when people, particularly from other ministries, try to teach him, he has the tendency to feel like, “who are you to teach me? I don’t know if you realize, but my ministry is solid.” I couldn’t believe it—he read me like a book and, without being accusatory, identified all this pride and sin in my life that I didn’t even realize was there! He said, “Say that in the spiritual body I am a finger and my buddy is a toe. I have a tendency to look at him and say, ‘Why can’t you be more like a finger?’ It is so easy to look at people who are made differently from us and question why they aren’t like us.” God made some people to be toes and elbows and hips and teeth—they don’t work like fingers and they should never try to. I was so convicted.
I felt emotionally a bit better, but I still was physically exhausted and time had a strange way of standing still yesterday. I made it through another rotation pondering D’s original argument: is conflict good because it reveals sin? Maybe. As I rotated back to the bottom of Wild one last time, I proceeded to be completely stunned. D says, “You know, I’ve been thinking and I think why you got so angry at me goes even deeper than what we talked about.” He then proceeds to identify an unresolved conflict I have with a girl in my cabin. I’ve never talked to him about this girl and the fact that he should identify the conflict exactly without even knowing our relationship was by the power of God alone. My conflict with her was similar to my problem with the way D talked to me that morning. “Is it possible,” he asked, “that because you haven’t resolved this conflict that you exploded on me out of pent up frustration?” I could not believe it. I then opened up about the conflict and he really challenged me to stop avoiding confrontation (as easy as that is) and to speak with her in love. I’m quite sure that D has the spiritual gift of discernment.
Something else happened yesterday. My mom informed me that her and my dad would be canceling on coming today and tomorrow for parent’s weekend. This is mostly due to our financial situation. We are finally at a point where we don’t see how we can avoid losing the house. This is the home that my father built as my mother was pregnant with me. Every year he added on another piece of it—it was always changing and growing, just like our family. Every memory of my family seems to exist there: smearing chocolate cake on my face in my high chair, making forts in the tree house, magic carpet rides on blankets through the den, watching power rangers on the couch with my brothers, becoming a Christian on that same couch with my mom, pool parties that resulted in broken household items, trying to put on makeup for the first time, planting flowers every season, making movies with my brothers, photo shoots with my sister, date nights where the four kids would find a way to leave pizza stains on the ceiling, watching my sister fall in love, watching the man she married show us the ring before he asked, discovering music, dancing and singing when I thought no one was home, watching the tree house get destroyed, seeing the progression of a new building rise in its place, cooking at the same age I learned to read, eating Japanese favorites like osembe and omochi, coming home crying thinking I had no friends, coming home realizing I had lots of friends, coming home smiling with a boyfriend, coming home in tears when he left a year later for Germany, realizing suddenly that my brothers were men and wondering when that happened, sewing my first quilt with my mother, finally learning to ride a bike as a teenager, planting caladiums with my father, coming home from college to feel like my house was more like a bed and breakfast, my dad falling off the roof three stories high, watching as God saved my father’s life, seeing God answer prayer, seeing God provide, seeing God love on my family, seeing God.
This morning I had an extended time alone with God (“extag”). I didn’t know where to go, so I just drove and found myself sitting under a bridge with a gorgeous pond trickling around me. I asked God how could my family not have suffered enough? That’s when it occurred to me: last summer was the worst and best summer of my life, God almost allowed my father, the man of my life, to be taken from me through a roofing accident. Had the accident not happened, though, I could not have seen God save my father. I could not have seen Him work so clearly or taste how sweet His provision is. Maybe in the same way my entire family is about to see and taste God like never before. Had the accident never happened, I would not know how to hope in hard times. It’s kind of like the development of a callous: it begins with something rubbing or prodding; it’s painful and bothersome; but as you endure, you become more prepared for future rubbing/prodding. (Let this analogy not be confused with emotional callusing—that, on the other hand, I’ll never endorse.)
God then took me to Job 38-42. God responds to Job’s questioning God with a powerful reminder of who He is. It is such a beautiful piece of scripture. God gets pretty sassy with Job too (there is definitely sarcasm involved). I began the morning angry with God and I ended it utterly humbled. I am ready to see God use this situation for His glory.
A Getaway.
Today I’m taking an unofficial day off. I sliced my foot at the bottom of the pool two days ago (we’re talking blood). Between that and the blisters I’ve accumulated, I have started to walk quite funny, favoring my bad foot. Yesterday was a long, hot day that involved a lifeguarding rotation of all standing positions. No sitting for my 8 1/2 hour shift. With the strange walking and the no sitting I messed up my ankle somehow. By the end of the day I couldn’t really walk anymore, so I called in today and took the day off.
Today we have hit the 3-week mark. It’s strange how fast this adventure is passing. I know, I know, that’s what everyone says. Nevertheless, I am surprised. I am learning so much about God, His grace, His heart for us, vulnerability, true womanhood, and servanthood.
One of my goals upon returning to Clemson this fall is to develop a discipling relationship with an underclassman. Now, if it’s not God’s will, it definitely won’t happen, but for the first time I feel open to it, interested, and convicted. We’ll see.
I must admit, some aspects of Pigeon Forge are growing on me. When I first got here I hated Pigeon Forge. I still don’t actively like it, but it’s improving. There is a wonderful café that I like to seek refuge in (Tin Roof: made from a restored house, kittens and chickens run around outside, great food—vegetarian menu included—art everywhere, etc). There is also a refreshing little park in walking distance of where we live, complete with a babbling brook, ducks, children, the smell of grass, and laughter. There is something that disturbs me about the attraction-centeredness of Pigeon Forge. Maybe it’s the fact that if one has a constant need for rides, lights, shows, and attractions altogether, it’s as though reality is something he or she is trying to escape from. It feels loud here, very consumerism-y in a bad way. People come here to spend money instead of just living. We’re surrounded by beautiful mountains that the entire city must be blind to. It all was very disturbing.
But I’m seeing that my judgments were a little hasty. Some of them are probably true, but some I think unfounded. One of my best friends, Carolina, spent her last summer as a counselor at Eagle Lake camp in Colorado. Upon her return she was convinced that children speak the love language of fun and one of the best ways into their hearts is through engaging them in fun. I’m learning that even rides can be an outlet for togetherness in a family, and that, my friend, is a beautiful thing.
What you can be praying for:
health for the lifeguards (passing out on the job is at least a weekly occurrence),
willingness and eager hearts during evangelism,
vulnerability within the teams,
energy,
teachability.
A Real Woman
Well, today makes two full weeks here. Two down, six to go.
I gotta hand it to STP, I’m starting to wonder if it doesn’t actually stand for “Serious Test of Patience.” Not really. I love it here, but it has been a growing experience, which as I’m sure you all can relate is never easy or leisurely. One of the big tests here has actually been my job. Lifeguarding is really challenging. It’s difficult to get up each day knowing the heat I’m going to have to face. That sounds silly, but not being able to live/work in a comfortably temperature is really taking me out of my comfort zone. Prayer request: that I will adjust to the heat and the job and that I will be able to show love to my coworkers.
One of the biggest lessons God has been teaching me this summer (wow, only in the last two weeks, crazy) has been about vulnerability. I always considered myself an open book, but God has been teaching me the difference between vulnerability and transparency. Transparency is what I mistook for vulnerability. It is being honest with people, telling them what’s going on in your life, and ultimately, disconnecting emotionally. Vulnerability is opening up in a way that makes you susceptible to emotional injury, assailable. Without vulnerability, we lack connection. So allow me to be vulnerable with you in sharing on one of the biggest lessons of my life yet: biblical femininity. God has been breaking down lies of the world and teaching me what He thinks about it, so allow me to show you 18 characteristics of a real woman…
1. Virtue “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” Proverbs 31:10
Lie believed: Women relate to men sexually/through their bodies. That is the best thing we have to offer men.
Truth: Noble character is highly valued (FAR above her body) in a woman.
2. Loyalty “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:11-12
Lie believed: Men get bored with women they’ve been with for a while—if a woman is loyal, she will be sacrificing for nothing—he will cheat, so if she doesn’t, she is vulnerable and made a fool of; men hate women who are clingy. Loyalty is just another form of that.
Truth: Loyalty is beautiful and a characteristic of strength, not weakness. Loyalty results in a husband’s confidence in his wife, not disinterest.
3. Industry “She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.” Proverbs 31:13-16
Lie believed: The man’s job is to work; the woman’s is of less responsibility: to just love the man, to stay attractive, to make a house a home. If a woman works, she will just be taken for granted.
Truth: A woman has much responsibility. She is to be a hard worker because it honors God and her husband. She provides in her own way for her family. While there is a risk of being unacknowledged, a woman is not working for the acknowledgement of man, but of the One who will never take her for granted.
4. Strength “She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.” Proverbs 31:17-19
Lie believed: Biblical femininity calls for women to be weak/pathetic. To be strong, we must be strong in the same ways as men and at least as strong, if not stronger then, men.
Truth: The strength of a woman is very different from that of a man’s and that is ok. The strength of a woman is in working for her task vigorously. Her arms are strong for her task. She works hard, vulnerably trusting God with the risk of acknowledgement or even in the face of it. She shows strength and boldness in contentment.
5. Ministering “She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.” Proverbs 31:20
Lie believed: Ministering is something different people are called to do—it is one of many directions God might call me in.
Truth: We are called to ministry. Women are specifically examined here—we are to reach out to the poor and needy. To open arms and extend hands is not to occasionally make some donation to a charity, but to get dirty loving people. That is big and awesome and gruff and sweet.
6. Peace “When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet… She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” Proverbs 31:21,25
Lie believed: Women are worriers and nags; we are doomed to have anxiety overwhelm our beauty. Carefree is an attitude of man that women are not allowed to have.
Truth: Women are called to peacefully trust God—the days are more opportunities to experience God’s goodness and provision. When women worry, they are sinning. We are not doomed to be old worriers. There is victory in Christ. God does not withhold good things from women that He freely gives to men.
7. Wisdom “She speaks with wisdom…” Proverbs 31:26a
Lie believed: Because women are not the leaders of the family, they are called to rely on the wisdom of others. Being a follower means being dumb and not thinking, mental laziness.
Truth: Wisdom is not restricted to men. How could a woman be her husband’s crown (Proverbs 12:4) if she hadn’t wisdom to contribute? Wisdom is beautiful.
8. Kindness “…and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:26b
Lie believed: Kindness must be earned. If I am kind to everyone, I will be taken advantage of. By withholding kindness, I will gain respect.
Truth: For “the teaching of kindness” to be “on [my] tongue” is to imply that it is given fairly easily. Withholding kindness is not biblical. It does not make me stronger and it does not gain respect. Withholding kindness is an act of timidity. We women are to be teachers (and therefore doers) of kindness—utter examples of such. This too requires boldness and strength and is not an act of weakness.
9. Fear for God “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30
Lie believed: Charm is an art that upon development yields great social results. It is a valuable tool for attracting people to myself. Beauty is an essential part of womanhood—it is in my very nature, which makes the desire to look good completely ok. Serving the Lord is great: it is a personal decision rooted in a belief system and conviction, but fear is never a necessary part of that. We are never called to fear.
Truth: Charm, though developed like an art, is merely the art of deceit. It delivers an impression that is not accurate of ourselves. It is not trusting God to provide my needs, but attempting to get them for myself. It is a lie that I cannot maintain my whole life. Beauty, an essential part of womanhood, is defined outside of external beauty. Vanity is sinful. Excessive attention to my looks is my attempt to shield myself from being seen for the negative qualities I have. God does call us to fear Him. He is the only One/thing deserving of our fear. Not fearing Him is not knowing who He is. It is not weak to fear Him—it is right. It is stupid and wrong not to fear Him. Fear of the Lord results in obedience.
10. To Be Praised “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’ Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.” Proverbs 31:28-29, 31
Lie believed: Women are taken for granted. That is an inevitable aspect of womanhood. By not being acknowledged, she is not being loved or cared for.
Truth: God desires for women to be appropriately praised—to be affirmed—by her children and her husband. God’s desire for a functioning marriage is that the husband sees his wife’s fine attributes and praises her far above all other women. It is not part of God’s plan that a man is to grow discontent with his wife—that is sin.
11. Benevolence* “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:3
Lie believed: Kindness/goodness is the result of a good day, a good quiet time, good done to me—it is a response.
Truth: Goodness and kindness are to be our default. We are called to have a “disposition to do good.” It is not a response, but an initial state.
12. Submission “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” Colossians 3:18, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” 1 Peter 3:1-2
Lie believed: If I am submitting to a sinful man, then good cannot result. His sin renders him an ineffective leader.
Truth: As Christ’s sacrifice covers me and enables me to have a relationship with God, so the sacrifice and complete grace/mercy in Christ should enable me to follow the lead of a man. God looks at us and sees Jesus, so I am to look at my husband and see mercy/grace all over him, see Jesus, and submit. It is a good thing to submit to a husband. It is not weak, but functional.
13. Reverence “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33
Lie believed: Men do not deserve respect just by being male. Respect must be earned. I choose who I respect.
Truth: We are commanded to respect our husbands. There are many cases where we are not to determine who deserves respect in our lives, but are called to show respect despite our feelings, to choose to respect. Consider people of authority as an example. We are called to show respect to our husbands; respect is one of man’s essential needs—a marriage cannot function without respect.
14. Modest in Dress with Simple Hair “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.” 1 Timothy 2:9-10, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.” 1 Peter 3:3-6
Lie believed: Women’s bodies are beautiful and though we don’t want to look slutty, there is no problem in glorifying my body. Dressing cute, wearing makeup, and styling my hair is never wrong.
Truth: Dressing cute/wearing makeup/styling my hair are sometimes wrong. This verse replaces these things with good deeds as appropriate for women who worship God. How you style your hair, how you dress, and the makeup and jewelry you put on has ZERO to do with femininity. Our focus should be on doing good deeds above looking good. Decency and propriety are praised in this verse. Do not compromise with modesty to find a quick fix of affirmation in my outward appearance. I love to challenge propriety, but at the end of the day scripture calls us to respect it.
15. Shamefaced “She took hold of him and kissed him and with a brazen face she said: ‘I have fellowship offerings at home; today I fulfilled my vows. So I came out to meet you; I looked for you and have found you! I have covered my bed with colored linens from Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon. Come, let’s drink deep of love till morning; let’s enjoy ourselves with love! My husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey. He took his purse filled with money and will not be home till full moon.’ With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life.” Proverbs 7:13-23
Lie believed: Boldness is being able to kiss a man; love is being able to access my emotions sexually; liberation is using my body to its fullest capacity as I relate to the opposite sex; sex of all kinds is beautiful; kissing is always good.
Truth: Scripture describes this behavior: “All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver…little knowing it will cost him his life.” This behavior is described as the slaughter of a man. Shamefaced is not the quality marking all who lack sexual experience—all who are naïve; it is the quality marking a wise woman.
16. Discretion “If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.” 1 Corinthians 14:35
Lie believed: Discretion is the mark of the controlled. Holding back is not good. To tell women to be discreet is to tell them to shut up because their thoughts and feelings are not valid and not valuable.
Truth: Women’s thoughts and feelings are valid and valuable. Their open expression is not appropriate in every setting because they are not the head of the household. Within the house they should share their thoughts and feelings, but respect for a husband and love for children should saturate the sharing of these things.
17. Obedience “To the woman he said, ‘I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.’” Genesis 3:16, “Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” 1 Corinthians 11:3
Lie believed: Being obedient to a man makes me less valuable than men. If I have to obey man and God, how will I get what I want? Obedience results in not getting my needs met, and the only way to assure they get met, is to focus on myself.
Truth: Man’s authority over women does not translate into increased value or dignity. Being obedient is an act of trust that God will meet my needs. And He will. Obedience is beautiful. It is hard. It is honorable. It is good. It is bold. It is not timid. Obedience is of God and in our best interest. It is not for someone else’s selfish gain.
18. Gentleness “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23, “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:1-3, “A woman should learn quietness and full submission.” 1 Timothy 2:11
Lie believed: Gentleness is a command primarily given to women to ultimately suppress them because they don’t matter as much. Their thoughts, desires, feelings, and hopes are silly and irrational. If I am gentle, I will not be seen—I will not be noticed—I will not be valued because I am afraid my good qualities will be impossible to see if I do not blow them up and draw attention to myself. If I am gentle, I will be stepped on, crushed, destroyed—gentleness negates strength.
Truth: Gentleness is a command given over and over to all who believe. I could not find one place where the command to be gentle is given to women alone. Women are commanded over and over, though, to submit, which requires gentleness. Because submission and love are so important for a woman and her role, so is gentleness. But gentleness is a command given with equal frequency to men. Nothing about the internal goings on of a woman are silly or invalid. Not being gentle is not a solution to insecurity. By being abrasive, I do make myself seen, but not in the way God describes He wants for me in His Word. Finally, gentleness does not negate strength. It is strength. Gentleness and timidity are totally different things. Gentleness encourages power, love, and self-discipline, where timidity is the negation of those things (2 Timothy 1:7). To be gentle is to be strong.
The Truth: 2 Corinthians 9:8 – “And God is able to make grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.”
* Benevolence: A disposition to do good, an act of kindness.
I am happy to report that I have been here a week and I still love my team! You would not believe the dynamics of a twelve-woman household. The refrigerator is probably the funniest part: between four cartons of almond milk, 2 packages of boca burgers, two and a half drawers of fresh produce, there is hardly any meat and certainly not any junk food to be seen. I think sun chips are the household indulgence. It’s pretty hilarious.
Last night was very interesting. All the teams split up around Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg and in groups of two we did street evangelism. Ugh, right? Those two words have always left a bad taste in my mouth. Street. Evangelism. I can actually remember a street evangelist interrupting a date I was on in Greenville once. There is nothing suave about street evangelists. If they are not angry and judgmental (every word laced with shouting), then they give popular television show The Office a run for its awkwardness. None of us really like street evangelism. We think no one opens up to or trusts a stranger. It is impossible to talk to people on the street and not be that guy. Well last last night my teammate, Amy, and I went out on the streets of Pigeon Forge. We ended up speaking to one couple (Janis and Greg) for our entire time out there. As we approached them with nervous smiles, aching to appear, well, normal, I felt my heart throbbing in my chest. I introduced us and Janis agreed to let us talk to her and get her opinion on some spiritual issues. The Navs does this through an illustration that summarizes the main theme of the Bible and explains salvation. Janis wasn’t very open about her opinion of Christianity. She said that she didn’t totally oppose it, but it wasn’t something she had sold out to. Amy and I were understanding and we strove to just be real with anyone we talked to, so that’s exactly what we did. I opened up to Janis about some struggles I had accepting the Bible at one point and after that we just started talking about everything: God, Gatlinburg, children, etc. Even though it wasn’t a “miraculous” encounter, if you will, it was really neat getting to connect with the two of them and kind of spike Janis’ curiosity of spiritual issues.
In other news, this morning began the three-day process of lifeguard certification. We had to be at the pool at 8am (and Navigators actually encourage you to be early, so we left the house around 7:30). Upon our arrival, they immediately threw us in the pool and began our swim test. We had to swim a few hundred meters, tread water for a few minutes, and retrieve a brick from the bottom of the pool. The hardest part for me was treading water. I’ve always been bad at that and I seriously thought I was going to fail the test! One guy threw up after he finished swimming. Two people failed the test (they weren’t from STP, though). It was pretty intense, actually, and then we worked on learning other important techniques for lifeguarding (CPR, for example). I can tell I’m going to like this job, but also that it’s going to be quite difficult in some ways.
On a totally unrelated note, this video is the running joke of my team. Please enjoy.
